I Got a Kid to Help Me Type This

Game box that punk kid has:
PS3

Frickin' Publisher:
Pixel Junk

Date I bothered:
31-Jul-2008

Careless headline:
I'm sure I'm not alone.

Game your kid taunts you about:
Pixel Junk

My old guy review:
I picked up this game and I thought, "WTF?"

It helps if you've ever played a tower game. That's a game where you strategically place towers -- each of which fires varying ammunition at encroaching enemies -- so as to slow said enemies down. Or kill them. That's an ethical thing I'll leave to you.

It's like Space Invaders where you get to add your own blocks that fire back. But it's really a puzzle game. With resmorseless killing. (See above.)

P.S.: If you're my kid, or just a hotshot, and you're looking for a gamer's FAQ, there;s one here: http://www.gamefaqs.com/console/ps3/file/944234/51653

This isn't a gamer's FAQ. This is a "WTF" FAQ.

Ok. I started up the game and it took me a while to figure out that:

- I'm the beanie guy; I figured that out because -- in the end -- he moved when I moved the left joystick (my theory is that when one is in doubt, one should spend an hour moving randomly and firing at anything that moves; I hope you appreciate that I do this for you);

- I move the beanie guy around (with the left stick) and hover over a tree

- I press X to make that tree a "tower" (a tower is a gun that will keep firing at the approaching enemies until you sell it)

- I have a choice of towers, limited by the $$$ I have (right-hand of the status line)

- I choose the tower type (some are more effective than others; some are best suited to the next type of "attacker" [see later])

- it takes a second for your new tower to take effect

- the amount of $$$ (the very right of the display) determines whether or not you can build a tower of a certain type

- occasionally you pick up jewels -- (they're not the floating butterfly thingies, but rather the persistent cubic (usually blue) things

- as far as I can tell, the butterfly things are a distraction

- you can press the Start button (just above the right joystick) to pause